Pain, and lots of it

"If I'm trying to sleep, the ideas won't stop. If I'm trying to write, there appears a barren nothingness." ~Carrie Latet

I'm not going to lie. Often when I try to sleep the ideas politely stop. Hell, on most nights, even if burdened with all manner of thoughts and worries, I tend to slip effortlessly into the peaceful blackness of slumber. I guess you could say that I kick sleep's ass.

But there is an ass I don't kick, an ass that mocks me. It is...the barren nothingness. I know this terror like I know every square inch of my hairy, gelatinous body, and yet I am powerless to defeat it. No matter how exciting the tale to be told, when I take up the pen the barren nothingness comes along and makes me her bitch. Hurts. Bad.

For my part, all I hoped to gain over the course of my adventure in blogging was a little amusement and enough writing practice to feel confident that if I had something to say I could, uh...yes ma'am

Children is the are Future

Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina Teen USA...when asked why she thinks 1 fifth of Americans can't find the U.S. on a map...


"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because...ah some...people out there in our nation don't have maps and...ah...I believe that eh-education such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should....our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or-or should help south Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our chil..."

Is it just me?

While campaigning in New Hampshire, Hillary warned that any terrorist attacks between now and the elections, would help the GOP. Is it just me, or does anybody else think that she is speaking directly to the bad guys? It's like she's saying, "Listen guys if you want me to get elected, and I know you do, then play along with the leftist contention that you either don't exist or are not a threat. Every time some of you heroic jihadist manage to defeat some evil, Zionist, women and children in hard fought combat it just makes the Conservatives and their nazi/mercenary military more determined to hunt you down and turn your heads into oily clouds of pink mist. So lay low friends, at least until I'm elected."

Note to self: Only shoot politically incorrect politicians, that way, eventually you will get out of jail, even if you wound a few bystanders. We can probably expect to see John Hinckley making millions on the lecture circuit before long.

Disgustedly Yours,

The Archduke

Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge

This outstanding photo was taken from atop Elk Mountain by the lovely Mrs. Selfish during a Selfish family outing in early spring of '06. Elk Mountain is in the southwestern area of the park and this photo looks east across French Lake. Click to enlarge and enjoy.

Park map for your pleasure.

About 20 miles northeast of Elk Mountain lies the Meers Fault, the only exposed fault east of the Rocky Mountains. See it here, then go here and click Observatory.

Just another reason why Oklahoma is a cool state.

Schooling O'Reilly

Here is a copy of the e-mail I sent to Bill O. spanking him for his stupid comments last night.

Dear Bill,

Even though you are a little too liberal for me, I watch and enjoy your program every night. While you have made several remarkably dumb statements over the years,the one about agreeing with hate crime charges against the college student who put the koran in the toilet, takes the cake. If burning the American flag, on American soil and thereby spitting on the graves of tens of thousands of brave patriots isn't a hate crime, then putting the terrorists handbook where it belongs shouldn't be either.



He will probably be so impressed that he'll want me to be a regular contributor, if so, King, I'm going to need to borrow that really cool charging bull elephant tie of yours.

Shoot Me

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Insanity rules.

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The mantra is slightly wrong

Gun's don't kill people.



Guns kill couches.

Texas Stadium is now complete

The Vicar catches a perfectly--and I mean perfectly--thrown touchdown pass from King Selfish.

A Visit to the Holy Land

Texas Stadium was open today for some type of charity drive. As a poor man I have only myself to give, so I did. Sorta. Basically, I just used the opportunity to fulfill a long time sports fantasy of walking the hallowed ground that was long ago purified by the blood of Roger. In the process I met a couple of nice young men, Alan and Garrett, who assisted me in capturing the highlight of my athletic career on video. TOUCHDOWN!

Tihs is werid

Aoccdrnig to recesarh at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the fisrt and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn biran deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Frgigin amzanig huh?

Well now

that I am semi settled in I thought I would post a little post. Now that the global warming concert is over and it is irrefutable that we humans are heating up the planet, and the demo-nazis want to prosecute anyone who disagrees then let me add this. The other day I read that scientists remeasured the earth nad (gasp) it is smaller than previously thought! Some might say we are just measuring better nowdays but I say we humans are causing the earth to shrink. I am going to organize a new concert to combat this problem. I realize that no matter what we do we can't reverse it but if the global alwarmists can do it the I can to. SO let us marshal our forces and unshrink the earth, we humans are soooo evil and bad, we need the government to save us! Oh please save us!!!!

Jack Nicholson is Hot

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Not. Based on the strained expression in the first photo I'd say there's a good chance he's in the middle of load testing his Depends.
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When in the course of human events...

Independence Day Essay.

12-20 Million and Counting

With the defeat of the amnesty bill this week, right thinking Americans are rejoicing. And they should, it was a victory for the ages. Okay, that's little much, but you get my point. It was a bad bill designed to reward bad behavior, and it is dead. At least for the next couple of years, when it will be brought back to life by President Hillary.

Just joking.

It's kind of funny though, conservatives are so ecstatic that this bill was killed that you would think the issue of illegal immigration had been solved. I wonder if people who have successfully thwarted a mugger feel this way. Is the relief and satisfaction of prevailing over a threat so great that it doesn't occur to you think about the fact that you are no better off than you were before the assault?

Bear Attack

I saw on the news where a black bear killed an 11 year old boy who was camping with his parents in Utah. All I can say is thank God there are no javelinas in that part of the world or the whole family might have been killed.

I am a little embarrassed to post this after that last post BUT

Here is my intellectual, thought out open letter to Mr. Nifong. If it is too deep and way over any reader's head then let me know since I am always happy to explain.

Dear Mr. Nifong,

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Hee Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha and Ha.

Dear Mr. Bush

For your Illegal immigration policy I have to say Stupid, stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid etc etc/
It just struck me since we are in conspiracy mania here, the war may have been the way for Bush to distract us from the southern invasion? Hmmmmm.


The Super intelligent Vic

There is nothing to see here

Move on people ,keep moving, move along now.

North American Union

In a recent conversation, I was challenged to name someone,who isn't a crackpot, who genuinely believes that GWB is pushing a NAU agenda. Here are three. Jerome Corsi- author of the swiftboat book that helped keep horseface Kerry from getting elected. Phyllis Schlafly- "The First lady of Conservatism". Lou Dobbs- CNN anchor. While none of these people are infallible they are also not bomb shelter dwelling conspiracy theorists who think that the devil worshipping Freemasons offered up Jonbenet Ramsey as a human sacrifice. Corsi and Schlafly have written many articles on this subject and provide many official sources. If I weren't such a Luddite I would provide links but anyone really interested can look it up easily enough.

I am not positive that these people are correct, but they do make a reasonable case, that gets more reasonable everytime GWB addresses the illegal immigration subject. I maintain that the three people named are smarter and more informed than I am, and maybe even more than the debater who challenged me to name them. Stepping farther out on the blasphemy limb, they may even be smarter and more informed than Michael Medved, who by the way is the Kool-aid provider to my challenger on this issue. I know that sounds like crazy talk since Medved is infallible, what with him being a former left-wing activist, movie critic, recently turned conservative and all.

Back in the mid eighties when I was a brain washed conspiracy theorist, many true believers were saying that then Vice President GB Sr. was a proponent of "one world government", "open borders", "globalization" and the like. As wrong as they were about soooo many things they may have been right about this. Even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while.

In closing let me say that in my opinion there aren't many people crazier than Fred Phelps. He's the pastor of that weird church in Kansas that disrupts the funerals of dead servicemen. I despise him and what he does, but if I were about to cross a street and he said "Hey, look out for that bus!", I would look up, not because I trust,admire or agree with him, but because I don't want to get mashed by a bus. Sometimes good information is where it is, not where you want it to be.

Yet Again Absolutely Correctly Yours,

The Archduke

P.S.
I attempted to refrain from snide remarks altogether, but a few slipped out and for them I apologize. This whole "being nice" thing requires me to take baby steps. I ordinarily agree with most of what Medved says but on this issue I think he suffers from a type of hysteria, brought on by anything that can remotely be linked with a conspiracy theory.

Thought Provoking

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George Will is one conservative who is not impressed with Fred Thompson.

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Bush's suicide mission.
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I know I'm a dork

But this little picture I found on the internets made me laugh so I thought I would share it.

Thought I would add a little levity to soften the blow of the catfight we have all been witness to.

The Vic

Redefining Our Terms

If you have not read the Archduke's previous post, Defining Our Terms, please do so before continuing.

I have to say at the outset that the more I thought about my reply to the Archduke's mean spirited diatribe, the less inclined I was to reply at all. Not because I agree with much of what he says, (to the contrary, I believe he is being willfully wrong-headed on this issue) but because we have been down this road so many times before.

It is true that in the past I have called the Archduke a bully in the school yard sense of the word. But what he so conveniently omitted from his post is that it has been years since I retracted that particular accusation. After many long, tedious discussions on the subject, the Archduke has convinced me that he was not your run of the mill, pick-on-the-little-guy-because-I-can type of bully. These days, when I refer to the Archduke as this sort of bully, it's not because I mean it, but because of the joy it brings me when he so willingly takes the bait. Can you say hyper-sensitive? Could it be a guilty conscience?

The problem the Archduke has when it comes to this issue, I must conclude, is his limited understanding of the English language. The word "bully", like most words in the English language, can have many usages. The definition given by the Archduke--"a quarrelsome, overbearing person who badgers and intimidates SMALLER or WEAKER people"--is the most common, but by no means the only accurate use of the word.

According to Dictionary.com, "bully" can also be used to describe one who intimidates or domineers, or one who is loudly ARROGANT and overbearing. The point is, a bully isn't necessarily one who uses the threat of violence to intimidate smaller or weaker people. Nay, it is my contention that most bullying by adults is much more subtle than even the definition I have provided suggests.

I now have tired head, so it's time to wrap this up. In a nutshell, the Archduke employs bully tactics when it suits him by using the two most common methods available to his type, coercion and manipulation.

Defining our terms

It has come to my attention that there exists a type of man, who while capable of functioning reasonably well in polite society, either cannot or will not grasp the meaning of certain simple words. The most recent example of this phenomenon occurred the other night when a couple of guests at my home habitually misused the relatively simple word-BULLY. For the record Mr Webster and I (not to mention all the other LITERATE people on the planet) know that bully means-"a quarrelsome, overbearing person who badgers and intimidates SMALLER or WEAKER people." Obviously anyone with an IQ higher than his waist size knows this. Why then, you ask, would men of even modest faculties, like these two, continue to get it wrong?

Before I answer that, allow me a moment to set the scene. Over the course of several hours, these two stated some 641 times, that in high school I was a bully. Never mind the fact that neither one of them met me until I was 33 years old, never mind the fact that neither one of them has ever met anyone that I went to high scool with(except my wife, who has repeatedly stated that I was NOT a bully). They ignored my challenge to find one schoolmate who would refer to me as a bully and my assertion that if they did manage to locate one, I would bring twenty to contradict him. Their actions defy logic.

It appears that there can be only two possible explanations. Theory one is that they must have reverted back into their secret geek language that they invented in seventh grade when they had no friends save each other. In that language bully meant "cool,beloved, jock that we would really like to be." Theory two is that they were so warped by their own misshapen bodies and fearful minds that anyone who was mentally and physically superior to them was automatically deemed a bully. Either way it is sad, and we can only hope that some day Science will find a way to end their whimpering.

Forgivefully Yours, (further proof that I am not a bully)

The Archduke

Actually

I don't think the blog is dying just yet. Our traffic has remained fairly steady since we started, it kind of comes in spurts. Speaking of Bush, did anyone else see him bowing down to the global warming silliness? Please don't tell me he has backbone, I am officially sickened. Oh and what about Sillary Clinton's speech admitting that she is a socialist, she wants to redistribute wealth and the poor are getting poorer ad nauseum ( probably the biggest lie of the left) Well at least she admitted it, what is sad isn't the rhetoric it is the belief in the rhetoric. Are people really this stupid and blind? If so there is little hope for the country or the world. The anomaly of greatness that the U.S. was is slowly slipping back into the shit hole of life that was the state of the world since the beginning and is still true in much of the world today.

It is sad
The Vic

Basic requirements for Manhood

List 1 consist of things that the well rounded man either knows how to do or is actively attempting to learn how to do.

1. Throw a proper punch..................
2. Throw a ball....................
3. Operate a tractor......................
4. Ride a horse......................
5. Ride a motorcycle....................
6. Shoot a full size handgun, shotgun, and rifle................
7. Properly clean the above mentioned firearms.............
8. Hide his initial reaction to almost anything.................
9. Successfully haggle over price without becoming angry or insulting...............
10. Get into a locked car without a key and without breaking anything...................
11. Demand an explanation/apology from a stranger without becoming angry or insulting.........
12. Keep his mouth shut...................

List 2 consist of things that the well rounded man knows.

1. Bullies must be faced and shut down immediately by whatever means necessary.........
2. An insult unpunished is the parent of another. (Ben Franklin, I think)..................
3. Women don't get it and never will...................
4.The time of sunset this evening (within 10 min.) and the time of sunrise in the morning (within 10 min.)...................
5. The dates of the first and last killing frost in his area............
6. The average annual rain fall in his area..............
7. What the two most poisonous snakes in his area look like...........
8. What the two most poisonous plants in his area look like....................
9. The difference between wild mushrooms that will kill you and those that won't............
10. When someone is full of shit..............
11. The difference between an uncomfortable situation and a dangerous one..............
12. That emotional outburst do nothing to lessen pain.............

List 3 consist of personal items that the well rounded man owns or is actively seeking.

1. A high quality, large caliber, single action, autoloading pistol.............
2. A functional, accurate, .22LR caliber rifle................
3. A high quality, razor sharp, legal to carry, folding knife...............
4. A high quality, compact binocular (German if possible)...................
5. At least one high quality flashlight that works every time (Surefire if possible)..........
6. A reliable watch....................
7. A Leatherman tool or any quality copy.........................
8. A good dog................
9. A high quality rod and reel.................
10. At least one biography of any of the great men...........
11. At least one book about any war..............
12. A leather wallet with pictures of his children..............

Feel free to ignore/attack/add to/subtract from my list at your liesure. The monkey-like tinkerings of the masses won't change the universal truths I have revealed here today.


You're Welcome, Again,

THE ARCHDUKE

From the desk of King Selfish

As far as I'm concerned, the fact that John McCain is a weird little creep is enough to disqualify him from the Presidency. If you need a slightly more mature reason, check out this piece by a guy who voted for him in the 2000 Republican primary.

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Christopher Hitchens couldn't despise Jimmy Carter any more than I do, he just expresses himself a little better.

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Let are kids walk? Perfect.

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"If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt". Shakespeare

Memory Lame

Vicar, the photo you posted brings back fond memories, although, to be honest I didn't recognize you at all. Bad lighting, no doubt. Most likely those who knew you then will best remember you as you appear at left. I think this photo was taken during a lunch break sometime in our freshman year of high school. All these years later I can still remember being amazed at how you would wait, ever so patiently, for someone to stop and feed you.

The good old days.

Well now that we got to see the younger and gayer version of the archduke, I thought everyone might be interested in seeing a pic I dug up of myself and the king. I forgot how much I resembled Harrison Ford when I was in Junior High and Mr. Selfish himself reminds me of someone but I just can't put my finger on it. It is amazing how little our looks have changed in 30 years. Memories sweet memories.......

The Vic

Semi-Anniversary

The Skeptics' Tank is now six months old. And they said it wouldn't last, pshaw! "They" should thank their lucky stars the magic trio is committed to blogging excellence, because the insights posited here over the last half year are sufficient to solve virtually every woe of mankind. So if this is your first time, slow down, look around, and come hate with us. You're welcome, World.

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly." Steven Wright

Shamnesty

I know that no one is shocked but I do not think we should grant amnesty to any illegal like we did before. I think we should round up all illegals and send em all home. To hell with em. Now that I have said that. People who hire illegals should be arrested too and all the people in charge of the government the last lets say 20 years? should be arrested too. If there was not a market, there would not be a problem. If there was nowhere to work they wouldn't come. We have created the market so the people come BUT they wouldn't come if our coward government would have or would stop them. They just whistle and look the other way and like I have said before this is old George's BIGGEST mistake. I mean even in mine and the King's old hometown the people voted to NOT allow illegals from renting and that town has a HUGE hispanic population so it seems obvious to me that not only the average euro american wants an end to the influx of illegals but so do the mexi americans and I am guessing the average afro american doesn't like it at all. We need a national referendum and I guarantee you the nation would vote to ship em back and shut the border down.

On another note check this out and watch May 22nd's Dateline http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12680788/

The king and I were in Ada at this time and we were in and around the action and some of the players. It was weird to see Karl Fontenot talk after not seeing him for 25 years.

That is all,

the Vic

slinking back

I was hoping to come roaring back, after my short hiatus, with a great post. Unfortunately that is not going to happen. Here of late I have been overwhelmed and underpowered when it comes to commenting on the things that piss me off. After five minutes of news I feel like a punch drunk, worn out boxer who can't recover from one blow before recieving the next one. Rest assured that this is a temporary situation. Like the Pheonix I will rise up, and once again, (probably after my nap) skewer my enemies with my rapier wit.

If your man-dress always smells like camel sweat and improperly wiped ass, then you might be a muslim.

If your skanky looking beard has globs of congealed mutton grease in it, then you might be a muslim.

If you singed off your eyebrows while setting your daughter on fire for kissing a boy, then you might be a muslim.

There now, I feel better already.

The Archduke

Bridge of Dearth

Where have all the posters gone? I know, who am I to say anything, but the comfort I found daily or so in reading the deep thoughts has been yanked away and I know not why? Come back.
me

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy

I would like to play a new game:

"You might be a muslim....."

If you claim to be the religion of peace but blow anyone you disagree with up, then you might be a muslim.

If you teach young children to hate any other religion but your own, then you might be a muslim.

If you teach those same kiddos how to wield weapons and wear bombs on the name of allah, then you might be a muslim.

If you are willing to blow up a car with children in it in the name of allah, then you might be a muslim.

If you suppress all dissent of your religion with the threat of death or with real death, then you might be a muslim.

If you cover your women up from head to toe, enslave them, and treat them like dogs, then you might be a muslim.

If you wipe your ass with your left hand only and eat with your right hand only, then you might be a muslim.

If you are willing to commandeer a Jet plane and fly it into buildings to kill thousands of people in the name of the religion of peace, then you might be a muslim.

If you cheer for the commandeering of airplanes and the bombing of innocents ,then you might be a muslim.

If you are wiping your ass with stones and rocks with your left hand, then you might be a muslim.

If you blame zionist for all the world's troubles, then you might be a Muslim.

If you threaten to murder people for drawing pictures of the leader of your religion of peace, then you might be a muslim.

If you are a moderate and don't personally like the murder of innocents but refuse to decry the horrible actions of your fellow religion of peacers, then you might be a muslim.

Ok I am out of steam and I am not so creative in the first place so come on my brokeback wannabe friends, lets see what you can come up with!

That is all,
the Vic

King Selfish says...

For future reference, Mr. President, we do not wink at the Queen. Perhaps you didn't get the memo.

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If you choose to read the Bible, use the New King James Version. It beats the other translations all to hell. And since Ecclesiastes is the best book of all Holy Writ, I suggest you start there. Curiously, the Vicar is mentioned in the opening verse. Anyway, if you don't blow your brains out after having the futility of your pathetic little life shoved in your face, you may proceed to the kinder, gentler portions of the Word.

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"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." Pancho Villa's last words.

Let Us Prey

Click to Enlarge

What do you get when you mix radically left journalist, Alexander Cockburn (pronounced Coburn), with The Nation, arguably the most liberal magazine in America? Tick-tock, tick-tock...time's up. If your answer was, "An excellent article exposing the current global warming mania for the misguided neo-religion it is, with just the right amount of Catholic Church bashing thrown in", then you get a star on your cute little forehead.

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"It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like a mad rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight." Jack Handey

Whew!

Boy, was I relieved to wake up this morning and find that the U.S of A. was still ginning right along. This is the second year in a row that the smelly,brown invaders have tried to bring us to our knees by not showing up for work. The only difference I noticed yesterday was the absence of two-legged cattle in reflective vests standing around in the road construction zones. Oh, and the girl who gave me my coffee at Mcdonalds spoke fluent English.

I noticed that Rage Against the Machine got back together and proclaimed that Bush should be "Tried, hung and shot." Is it just me or shouldn't the word convicted be in there somewhere? To me this shows the difference between the right and the left. We on the right will try you, CONVICT you(with facts and evidence), then hang you and shoot you. The left, on the other hand, omits the conviction part because they are too occupied with their feelings to bother with things like facts and evidence. I know I'm right about this because I feeeeel it so deeply.

Today's word is: OBSTREPEROUS- noisy and hard to manage.
When half a dozen or so mud people get together they usually become obstreperous.


Relievedly Yours,

The Archduke