Billy Jack Lives

Remember this guy? For those of you under 40, this is Tom Laughlin playing Billy Jack in the movie he wrote and directed with his hippiechick wife Dolores, who played his love interest. The movie came out in 1971 when I was 10yrs old and to a 5th grader it was great, but by the time I reached the 6th grade even I could smell the stink of rancid cheese that permeated every scene. For those who have not seen it, here is a quick synopsis.

Billy Jack is a half Cherokee, ex-special forces, Hapkido trained badass, who lives on a reservation in Arizona,(Why a Cherokee would be living on a reservation in Arizona is beyond me but what do I know?) who always appears in the nick of time to save the members of the "Freedom School" from the evil businessmen and law enforcement officers of the local town. The "Freedom School" is populated by runaways and operated by a dried up female flower child with a face like a long neglected piece of leather. It's kind of like Steven Seagal as the Lone Ranger meets the Manson Family.

Anyway, the reason I brought this up is to say that not only is Billy Jack still alive, he is still saving hippies, pacifist and America haters from "The Man". His Presidential campaigns have mostly failed but have no fear, his blog has all the answers. He has a plan to stop all school shootings by installing tornado sirens that warn people so they can lock themselves in a closet. Why didn't I think of that? He exposes the evil Bush/Cheney " top secret" Pentagon plan to invade Iran. It's called "Operation Darius" but don't tell anyone I told you. He also lays out a peaceful exit strategy for Iraq that involves replacing American troops with Russian, Chinese, and French troops because those countries are the ones who REALLY own the Iraqi oil, and after all, the murderous muslims only hate American infidels.

His blog also promises to delve into spirituality, dreams, and " healing solutions", I can hardly wait. Don't let his rambling, repetitive, almost incoherent writing style fool you, Billy Jack is a hero for the ages. In order to start the healing, I think we should all stop what we're doing, take the hand of anyone near us, form a circle and sing "One Tin Soldier". Everybody now! Louder! That's it.