Friday, June 8, 2007

Defining our terms

It has come to my attention that there exists a type of man, who while capable of functioning reasonably well in polite society, either cannot or will not grasp the meaning of certain simple words. The most recent example of this phenomenon occurred the other night when a couple of guests at my home habitually misused the relatively simple word-BULLY. For the record Mr Webster and I (not to mention all the other LITERATE people on the planet) know that bully means-"a quarrelsome, overbearing person who badgers and intimidates SMALLER or WEAKER people." Obviously anyone with an IQ higher than his waist size knows this. Why then, you ask, would men of even modest faculties, like these two, continue to get it wrong?

Before I answer that, allow me a moment to set the scene. Over the course of several hours, these two stated some 641 times, that in high school I was a bully. Never mind the fact that neither one of them met me until I was 33 years old, never mind the fact that neither one of them has ever met anyone that I went to high scool with(except my wife, who has repeatedly stated that I was NOT a bully). They ignored my challenge to find one schoolmate who would refer to me as a bully and my assertion that if they did manage to locate one, I would bring twenty to contradict him. Their actions defy logic.

It appears that there can be only two possible explanations. Theory one is that they must have reverted back into their secret geek language that they invented in seventh grade when they had no friends save each other. In that language bully meant "cool,beloved, jock that we would really like to be." Theory two is that they were so warped by their own misshapen bodies and fearful minds that anyone who was mentally and physically superior to them was automatically deemed a bully. Either way it is sad, and we can only hope that some day Science will find a way to end their whimpering.

Forgivefully Yours, (further proof that I am not a bully)

The Archduke


The Vicar of Vanity said...

Actually you made some good points with your bully post. I am not sure you denied being one just that we haven't witnessed it. Also in the discussion you accused all of us of being a bully and you gave an example of the king being one but I don't remember if you used an example for me *cough* Hyprocite *cough* excuse me I have a slight cold. Ok You are correct I can't think of a time I actually caught you being a bully the king will have examples I am sure. If I were forced to say why the bully tag would fit you, the only thing I can come up with are your own anecdotes
and tales where you let guys know quickly that if they give you any guff, you will smack them around, so I have concluded it is your fault we think that and it is up to you to change our perceptions, you know with gentle and kinder stories of you actually BEING NICE to people. SO the ball is in your court.
The Vic

The Archduke of Arrogance said...

Actually that post was directed mainly at the king, you just got caught in the crossfire. On more than 1 occasion he has actually admitted that I am no more of a bully than he is, but when he is in his cups he sometimes backslides and needs a spanking.

As far as being nice goes, just today, I did NOT accelerate when a kitten ran out in the road. So there.