Required Reading

Until you have read this little piece by Christopher Hitchens, you are an ignorant wretch.

If you happen to notice that I've added to this post, you should read this also.

Offset upset

Anyone see Dennis Miller on Bill O'reilly last night? He echoed my point about the left creating then solving problems for us. He likened it to Munchhausen's syndrome by proxy. He was right of course but I think he might've read my post, but I understand, I am a wealth of material for pundits and I can't wait till my royalty checks come rolling in. Is anybody as shocked as I am that it turns out that "carbon offsets" are complete and utter bullshit? I am glad it was pointed out to me because planting 20 or 30 trees a day was starting to wear on me. Oh speaking of trees, a report last week came out that said that trees actually RAISE the temperature of a biome. Hmmmm, ok I am cutting all those previously planted trees down. I have decided to come up with my own offset. I call it beer offsets. For every beer I drink I have to run/walk a lap that week but I heard that working out raises the environmental temperature by .000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 degree Fahrenheit so I may not do it well I may if I get a heat offset. I may make an ice cube for every lap I run. Well that runs electricity for my freezer so I need to come up with a way to have an electricity offset Damn my head hurts I need a headache offset. I will quit now.
Rambling yours
The Vic

Now I'm Hysterical

Vicar, you bastard, you stole my bit! I was gonna do a post per week on some form of leftist hysteria, but you knocked most of them out in one fell swoop. Now I have to come up with a new idea. No problem, my genius will prevail.

A few others I was considering:

1. Population Explosion

2. Disease caused by Alar, breast implants, secondhand smoke, electromagnetic energy from power lines, etc, etc.

3. Heterosexual Aids-we forget how big a deal this was back in the day. Some crazies were predicting that tens of millions of heterosexual Americans would be dead of the Aid by now. I think the real number is somewhere around two.

Question -

What are the equivalent scaremongering positions of the Right?

Some would answer the fear generated by the threat of a Soviet nuclear attack during the cold war is an example of Right hysteria. Maybe. I don't know if the concept of impending apocalypse was entirely created by the Right or not, but at least the Soviet Union actually possessed real nuclear weapons and had the ability to deploy them (see Cuban Missile Crisis).

Others say the many incarnations of the "Red Scare" show just how knee-jerk crazy those on the Right can be. I guess I can see it. But again, the record not only shows a history of active communists and communist sympathizers in America, it has been proven that in the past the highest levels of government were virtually infested with them.

Anyway, I want somebody to point out to me where the Right has contributed to mass hysteria/ignorance on par with the Left because I can't see it.

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"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as though nothing ever happened." Sir Winston Churchill

Hysteria

Speaking of lefty hysteria, the whole DDT ban is the example of the left's Modus Operandi. They are masters of creating problems then rushing to solve them. In my lifetime I have seen this play out numerous times. The false fear factor or the Chicken little syndrome examples that I can think of off the top of my giant, bulbous head are : 1. DDT 2. Cyclamates 3. Saccharine 4. Ozone layer hole 5. Dioxin 6. Global Cooling 7. Amazon rain forest deforestation 8. Acid rain 9. The homeless 10. Global warming (DUH). Wow I just realized that my list greatly resembles a list of urban legends. These are political urban legends and I am sure I have missed many many more. I am hoping my manly (but slightly effeminate and closeted) colleagues will add to the list so as to remind me how truly manipulative the left really is. I don't think it is too far of a stretch to see the left as a super hero like Mighty Mouse but who firsts has to create a problem then they can heroically burst into their famous saying "HERE THE LEFT COMES TO SAVE THE DAY! BECAUSE WE REALLY REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU UNLIKE THOSE HEARTLESS WHITE MALE CONSERVATIVES! WE WILL SAVE YOU LONG TIME BY RAISING TAXES AND MAKING A UTOPIAN SOCIALIST SOCIETY WHERE EVERYONE IS EQUAL" well except for us loving and caring leaders who are mega rich and who don't have to suffer through the "equality" like the rest of you poor dumb bastards er uh I mean you poor mistreated peoples since we are special and we get to live like kings while you poor dumb bastards er uh I mean ignorant masses oops of course I mean you poor SUPPRESSED peoples live like er uh poor suppressed peoples because WE KNOW WHATS BEST FOR YOU! I actually can't wait to see the next BIG SCARE. What will it be? I don't know but at least we have mighty mouse to save us.
The Vic

The Left makes Right

April 18
Betty Trachtenberg, Yale Dean of Student Affairs to school's theater departmemt:

"Given the events of a few days ago in Virginia I question, at this time, the use of even a prop hand gun in this (or other productions). I suggest that you find another way."

April 24
Associated Press NEW HAVEN — A week after a Yale University official banned prop weapons from school plays in response to the Virginia Tech killings, the Ivy League school has reversed course and said audiences will be notified in advance of the use of fake guns, swords and knives.

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Well, whadda ya know, leftist hysteria corrected. Partially, anyway. If an audience is attending a production of the Guns of Navarone I can't quite see the need to announce that fake guns, swords, and knives may be used. But hey, I ain't got no Ivy League education.

Some leftist hysteria has greater consequences and takes longer to correct.

About 8 months ago the World Health Organization reversed its 35 year old ban on DDT. During the span of the ban (I like the way that sounds) more than 30 million people, mostly dark skinned children, died of easily preventable malaria. But they were loved.

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"You may delay, but time will not." Benjamin Franklin

I know ,I know

I haven't posted, I haven't commented I have been a bad blogger. Being weird like I am, I have a hard time writing without some kind of inspiration. I have gained new respect for column writers and my esteemed colleagues for being willing enough and focused enough to post their thoughts on a continuing basis. I don't want to be redundant I don't want to be redundant so I try not to post the same stuff over and over which I am more than capable of doing. I know I am passing up some good stuff like "nutty Korean massacres innocent students" and the obvious political battles that follow afterwards over gun control and such. Or "the push to legislate against global warming" which is an obvious scam by liberals. But the words just don't always come easily. So once again I apologize and will try to succumb to peer pressure and get back on my high horse and opine on todays relevant issues.
The Vic

The Real Problem

At some point our politically correct society is going to have to face the facts when it comes to school shootings. For years now the pundits, politicians and PTA's, have flitted around alighting on, and crying about, one peripheral issue after another. It's time to man up and face the real issue head on. The problem isn't the implement used (gun), or possible triggers (bullying, envy, unrequited love, ad infinitum). The problem is THE MALIGNANT GEEK or TOXIC DWEEB if you prefer. These brooding, sullen losers spend their short, often priveliged lives, basting in their own mental sewage. The fact that some of their peers are more athletic, better looking, wealthier, smarter, funnier, nicer, etc. doesn't motivate the MG or TD to improve themselves by expanding on their strengths and overcoming their weaknesses, it moves these narcissistic whiners to vile fantasies of murder and revenge. Unfortunately a few of them muster the determination to turn fantasy into reality.

The powers that be need to stop blaming inanimate objects and/or victims when the real culprit is laying(often with a terminal case of self inflicted raggedy head) right under their noses. It's time to hunt these people down, before they act and force them to make something. Make a date, make a team, make a friend, or failing that make a noose and use it on themselves before they hurt somebody.


This week's word is: Hoplophobia- The irrational fear of inanimate objects.


Astutely yours,

The Archduke

Drawn offsides again

Another guy on another Ticket show said something I thought was stupid, so I had to write him an email. I present it here for your enjoyment. Warning, some redundancy follows.

Hey Gordo,

On this morning's show you made this uninformed comment--"The only people who don't want gun control are the NRA and criminals."

Way to go. Not only is this statement incorrect on both counts, you managed to lump a legal organization and it's overwhelmingly law-abiding members in with common criminals.

I'm not interested in a debate on gun control, and I'm certainly no spokesman for the NRA, but if you choose to do a little fact checking I think you'll find it supports many, if not most, of the gun laws that are currently on the books.

Your apparent animus towards the NRA can be chalked up to an honest intellectual dishonesty, but saying criminals don't want gun control, in my opinion, shows an ignorance that borders on grotesque. Criminals, by definition, tend not to burden themselves with things like obeying the law, and are not inclined to allow even the most restrictive gun control laws to get in their way. And their work is made easier when their victims are not able to protect themselves. I'll give you one example (there are many more) then set you free.

A federal appeals court recently overturned a 1976 law that banned residents of Washington D.C. from owning, buying, transporting, or possessing a handgun. That's thirty years in which to possess a handgun in D.C., even in one's home, was to break the law. And yet, shockingly, violent criminals thrived to such an extent during this period the District of Columbia was tagged with the nickname "Murder Capital" of the United States.

Your statement couldn't be more wrong. The NRA wants gun control that will keep guns out of the hands of criminals, but will allow lawful adults a serious means of self-protection. Criminals, who don't trouble themselves with obtaining their guns legally, want gun control for the opposite reasons.

Now you can get back to your life.

The Good Old Days

“Civilization’s going to pieces,” broke out Tom violently. “I’ve gotten to be a terrible pessimist about things. Have you read ‘The Rise of the Colored Empires’ by this man Goddard?”
“Why, no,” I answered, rather surprised by his tone.
“Well, it’s a fine book, and everybody ought to read it. The idea is if we don’t look out the white race will be—will be utterly submerged. It’s all scientific stuff; it’s been proved.”
“Tom’s getting very profound,” said Daisy, with an expression of unthoughtful sadness. “He reads deep books with long words in them. What was that word we——”
“Well, these books are all scientific,” insisted Tom, glancing at her impatiently. “This fellow has worked out the whole thing. It’s up to us, who are the dominant race, to watch out or these other races will have control of things.”
“We’ve got to beat them down,” whispered Daisy, winking ferociously toward the fervent sun.
“You ought to live in California—” began Miss Baker, but Tom interrupted her by shifting heavily in his chair.
“This idea is that we’re Nordics. I am, and you are, and you are, and——” After an infinitesimal hesitation he included Daisy with a slight nod, and she winked at me again. “—And we’ve produced all the things that go to make civilization—oh, science and art, and all that. Do you see?”

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A couple of days ago I decided to take a break from my second job as a tax preparer to engage in a little light reading. I settled on The Great Gatsby (1925) because it's short and easy. The excerpt above amused me so I graciously chose to share it with my minions.

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The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
Jack Handey

So Skeletor

said something that noone really heard except someone with an agenda and I have something to say, wHO CARES? Oh I could feign anger like the women, blacks, black women, corporations , pundits etc etc etc ad nauseum or I could turn the radio off like 99.9% of the world who doesn't listen to the return of the living dead meister does. And OH the HOpocracy! The Hymie hater himself is outraged and why in the world do we have to see Sharpton and Jackson on TV, they are a big part of the reason that whitey has resentment for napheads. So let me get this straight, I as a much maligned and ill treated people can have most my children out of wedlock, commit most of the crime in the country, and much of the culture flaunts how DIFFERENT they are than Cracker culture but don't you dare say anything about it or we will get outraged all over again and then we have to listen to Shamos and Jandy tell us HOw unfair it is to be their rich ass selves. I would bet this country in all of its racist glory has more Millionaire African descendants than the rest of the world combined including the Mother land herself. But OH no don't say anything to offend our much oppressed brother or we are evil EVIL! Let em do what they want just look the other way and don't harbor any bad feelings at all. If this were the Emperor's new Clothes, the poor kid who had the audacity to point out the nudity wouldv'e been hung by his toes. fOr sHame! And I get a huge kick out of NOW trying to protect the poor maligned Basketball girls for the SEXIST comment, never mind rap music, or better yet let's not ever speak of MUSLIM culture where they treat women like queens and Goddesses. Hopocracy is rampant and it is awesome cause being a HOpocrite means never havign to say your sorry. Any of my esteemed colleagues wanna place bets on how much of the DOOKIE faculty apologizes to the INNOCENT non rapists? They won't, they can't their religion forbids it.

But hey just a thought
The Vic

More Random Poo

Ol' Newt really let me down. In case you haven't heard he jumped on the man made global warming bullshit wagon AND pimped John Kerry's book on national television. Evidently he is just a vote whore like the rest of them. I guess this means that I will support Fred Thompson, at least until he does something to piss me off.

Bill O'reilly recently spanked Geraldo on the subject of "criminal immigrants". O'reilly wants illegal aliens who commit crimes to be deported immediatly. I agree, but what Bill is forgetting is that as soon as a mexican splashes up on the north side od the Rio Grande he is instantly guilty of committing a crime. That one act should be plenty to get him deported. There is no need to wait for him to get a DUI or kill somebody. I think we should employ the D.U.D method- Deportation(death?) Upon Discovery, no tolerance.

This week's word is: Tautology- needless repetion of an idea using different words, i.e.- widow woman, crooked politician, irrational leftist, etc.

Here's a little bit of open border trivia. According to a Minuteman website, the 12 million strong 3rd world army of occupation that is currently bivouaced in my country is responsible for the deaths of 25 real Americans every day. Every year these people kill more Americans than the attacks of 9-11. Depressing ain't it?

Dejectedly Yours,

The Archduke

P.S I was blissfully unaware of this creature called Imus until a couple of days ago. I'm still not sure what it is but I'm guessing it's some sort of ancient, hermaphroditic monster from the really deep part of the ocean. Would somebody in the know please tell me if I'm even close.

Back to Normal

There are few things in life that can be counted on. And then there's New Orleans. For a while there it seemed that the wanton killing that had become the norm in the swampy burg had run its course, and that maybe we would have to wait at least another year for a chance at a new murder record. I mean, it's a small city, so it stands to reason that eventually the killing would have to slow down. And I'll admit I have been a little worried, because as a spectator I enjoy it when old, "unbreakable" records are broken. As long as it is done within the rules, of course.

Now in case you have forgotten, New Orleans holds the current murder rate record for the United States. It was set in 1994 and stands at 86 per 100,000 people. This number represents an extremely high rate of killing, so I know it's not smart to hope that it will be exceeded. But thanks to a recent three day orgy of death, there is still a fighting chance.

Saturday, March 31, four murders. Monday, April 2, four murders. That brings the total number of murders committed in the city this year to 55. Murder rate -- 96 and holding.

That, my friends, is what you call a comeback. Just when the murder rate had slipped to around 90 and seemed in danger of falling even farther, my homeboys awakened, remembered who they were, and got back to the business of killing.

Sitting here now I don't know why I was ever worried. When it comes to murder, New Orleans is the Tiger Woods of American cities, and even Tiger suffers through the occasional slump. And just like Tiger, New Orleans has met the challenge and is now, once again, reasserting its dominance.

It's nice to see things are back to normal in the Chocolate City.

Rest Easy, America

You will all be thrilled to know that I am now, at all times, legally heeled. This fact is, as I type, going through America's underworld like shit through a goose. Hundreds if not thousands of criminal types are no doubt looking for new careers due to this frightening (for them) fact. Sleep well fellow law-abiding citizens, you're welcome.

Today's word is: DYSPHEMIA- any impairment in the ability to speak.

I have found a direct correlation between the amount of beer consumed and the degree of dysphemia suffered.

If the Mohammed won't come to the mountain, then shoot him and drag him up there.

Vigilantly Yours,

The Archduke of Arrogance, crimefighter extrordinaire

T.V. Dinners

OK I am gonna take a small side trip away from my usual rants about race, politics, and IMMIGRATION to extol the virtues of the greatest Microwaveable T.V. Dinners I have ever had the pleasure to heat up and consume. And we of course being the 3 pigs well formally the 3 pigs, it didn't pass my casual observation that one of the three is looking a bit ballerinaesque in his stature. Which is impressive and a good ploy to make certain other body parts appear larger than they really are. Oh but before I get back to the greatest dinners of all time a good name for the blog who's name we will never change might need to be called "The three wise pigs" just a thought, but back to my piginess. I have discovered that Banquet TV dinners are the best all time. They are inexpensive, easy to make, and comparatively delicious. It is almost like they are luring me in with the good stuff so I will buy it then they will pull the old bait and switch and either raise the price or replace the food with cheaper imitations, but until that day this shit is good! I give it 4 belly rolls up! Oh and let me mention that the democrats are lying cowards, not only do they want to surrender they are claiming that that is what the American people want. Since when did they care what the American people want? Don't believe me? OK then lets have a national referendum to decide if we should legalize gay marriage, or one over abortion or one over immigration, let us truly find out what the American people want and make laws accordingly. I REST MY CASE.
The Vic