Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Lay Down Sally

on some railroad tracks. Sally Field's Emmy acceptance speech taught me several things. First, it is acceptable to pause dramatically so that the audience can applaud and then screechingly demand silence like some deranged Queen of the World. I did not know that. Second, Sally has a son in Iraq for whom she is waiting......... waiting with an open heart. I did not know that. Third, when stressed, the Spirit of the Lord will descend upon Gidget and she will speak in Tongues. I did not know that. Finally, when your carefully crafted and much rehearsed left wing rant comes unravelled in front of a sympathetic audience, just puncuate your lack of a point by screaming something about "THE GODDAMNED WAR!" and eveything will be fine. I did not... Ok I did know that one.

On a lighter note, we can all rest easy because Cate Blanchett is having a special filtration system installed in her house that will allow her and her children to drink their own piss. Apparently, no sacrifice is too great for the Hollywood elite. If only someone would invent a machine that would turn human solid waste into a gelatinous, vegitarian, meat substitute. Topu, anyone?

1 comment:

King Selfish said...

I came this close to posting a rant about the idiocy of the flying nut. Not only did your post save me the trouble, but I now see that I was approaching the incident from the wrong direction. Instead of using her acceptance speech as an opportunity for learning, I was going to spew about the devastating stupidity of her and her kind. Thanks for setting me straight.

After writing the paragraph above, I went online and listened to her speech again, hoping to gain a new insight into her thinking. I discovered that in the part of her speech which sounded like incoherent rambling, she was trying to explain why there would be no wars if women ruled the world. It turns out that the primary reason is that without men there would be no one around to invent all the cool instruments of war. That might be a good thing. Without men ruling the world we would have never heard of Sally Field because there would have been no one to invent television.